Protect Your Treasure Box
We can safely say that marriage is the greatest institution and covenant that one may enter into. It is such a unique thing that it affects every person: either you are married, going to get married or a product of a marriage. The Nikaah that took place has determined many things about you. If the correct partner was chosen, marriage was entered into for the correct reason, it was done in correct manner, a sound nurturing and up-bring was given, then all of this will have its fruit .i.e. a well balance, Allah fearing, and righteous human being. And if there were deficiencies in any of these things then, especially in the manner in which we go about getting married- it will have visible consequences.
Picture that you have a treasure box that is filled with a variety of gems and jewels. All of which are valuable and precious. The nature of the treasure box is such that: when you take something out of it, you cannot return it into the box. It gets used up. But if you leave it in the box, it will remain with you forever. It will be yours. It will not get finished. Marriage is that treasure box. Whatever you do before marriage - dating, chatting, etc. - you are taking out of that treasure box.
Every single premarital act that a couple engages in does a level of damage to the individuals involved. This then causes great harm to their future marriage. A young man came to Aalim and complained:” I don’t find my wife attractive any more, and neither does she find me attractive. I don’t understand’, he said ‘before marriage we were extremely attracted to each other’. The Aalim replied. ‘It’s quite simple. The love that you had was actually an infatuation, and Shaytaan deliberately put that attraction in the both of you so that you went on committing sin before marriage. It was favorable for him to do so because you were both in the disobedience of the Almighty. However, after you got married, your interaction became Halal and lawful, so in fact, instead of sin you were now gaining reward, so Shaytaan removed that attraction, because there is nothing in it for him”
Many couples try to justify premarital relations by speaking about checking out compatibility. This hold no weight because when a young man and woman date with each other, they think that by doing this I am going to get to know the person well and then I can then decide whether we will be compatible or not. Remember that this is a deceit. When a young man and young woman go out together they usually only show a front and their best side, and most faults are concealed. Therefore after a ‘love marriage’ people face problem immediately [because ‘they don’t seem to know that person anymore’].Furthermore, these types of marriages face more problems than other marriages [without pre-marital relations] because one has an already fixed an expectation that this person was such before and should be so now. Whereas, a couple whom have not had pre-martial relations will be open-minded and become willing to face any problem that come their way”.
The unfortunate reality is that, courting is becoming more and more prevalent in our on societies. It has become some what acceptable. For some it is no longer frowned upon. Parents allow the so called prospective boy to come to the house. Parents argue and say ‘at least we know what is going on. They are not doing anything behind our backs’. So parents allow the boy to come and sit in the language. There is no such a thing as regulating a sin. One sin breeds another. The Prophet Sallallahu Alahi Wasallam said: “The adultery of the eyes is the glance. The adultery of the ears is listening. The adultery of the tongue is speech. The adultery of the hand is the grasp. The adultery of the foot is the step. The heart yearns and desires. The genitals then either confirm this or deny it.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
An Imaam who has been dealing with marital problems for a long while said that in his experience he found that those who were dating before marriage, within a short space of time they had endless problems in their marriages. This is as a result of evil of the sin of premarital relations and no Tauba being made .The Imam said that when a couple comes to him with problems, among the first things he ask is about their past; if they were dating before marriage. In most instances they would reply in the affirmative. He would then advise both the husband and the wife to make Taubah and no sooner their problem would be sorted out. This the harmful effect of sin.
It’s clearly evident that premarital relations – not only is prohibited by the Almighty, but also have consequence on our marriages and may come back to haunt a person later on. So my young brothers and sisters-protect your treasures and you will enjoy them for the rest of your life.
Yusuf Moosagie
Twitter: @muftimoosagie